Let Go

Lost ma momma at a tender age

Dad became a drunkard at  teen-age

Carried my burden

Shoulders dropping.

Living each day like it was my last.

Was told someone up there loved me

But all I felt was pure hate

They said dope was cool

Said sex was great

They were ma niccurs

Ma hommies

The dope guys next block

Boozed my nights with alcohol

Told me it was expanding life experience

Lived a hell of a life.

Man, it was totally cool!

Alas, I knew not

That what I lived was a hell-worthy life

Leading me blindly to the slaughter

I followed the teenage flow like a master

Every kid did it so I did it.

Tattoos bespoke my past years

On my body lay

Blueprints of days undone.

I knew I was going to die soon

Just didn't know how

Then I came in contact with death itself

Missed a bullet by an inch

That changed my life experience.

I heard a small still voice

Knew someone was calling me home

Couldn't explain what I felt

Twas a voice I once heard in the womb

Preachers told me about him

To me, he was just an old man

He said he loved me

Balderdash!

I didn't feel no love my entire life.

I heard him loud and clear

Told me to trust him and let go

Let go of sorrows and tears

Let go of the rage in my heart

Let go of my burdens

Let go of my cares

He wanted to carry them

I told him to fuck off

Soon, I was diagnosed of cancer.

My days were numbered.

Now, I knew how I was going to die

Didn't see ma hoomies any longer

They all vanished into thin air

I looked up once more

And for the third time I heard the voice

"Come to me and I'll give you rest"

I had nothing to loose

So I gave in.

And today I'm still living

Not a hell of a life

But a much better life.

To all you preachers

I chased out of my crib

Really, I'm deeply sorry

Y'all told me to get saved

But you damn didn't tell me one thing

How much peace there is in Christ.

I've carried my burdens for far too long

It's time to let go...

                                                            

                                                                                                        Avant Garde

                                                                                                     Inspired by Kirk Franklin's 'Let it Go'

Discovering Your True Path in Life

You have the right and potential to be everything you want to be ... but what happens if you’re not sure how that looks?

Callings (to a life in which you feel fulfilled, of service, connected, vibrant and truly alive) don’t necessarily shine like guiding beacons ahead. But there are ways you can actively pursue and bring your purpose to you. 

Here are my top 10 ways to uncover your life's true calling: 

1. Notice dreams and signs. 

The subconscious has ways of letting you know if you’re heading in the right direction. Pay attention to the things that happen in your life, the people you meet, the things you notice, the places you are drawn to. Upon waking, actively connect to your dreams – keep a pad by the bed to write things down, and let their symbolism work on you.

2. Prioritize expressing yourself in whatever way you find enjoyable. 

If you want to be fully yourself and find your path in life, creativity is not a luxury - you must carve time for it.

3. Think about what you used to love. 

Our callings are very often things that we loved to be or do when we were very young – before we were asked to ‘fit in’. How did you play as a child? What did you love to do? What were you curious about? How did you think?

4. Notice what feels good. 

Callings feel good. When we are doing what we are supposed to be doing, we are connected, joyful, expressive, loving and purposeful. Notice times in your daily life that you feel like this – What are you doing? Who are you with? What are you allowing?

5. Turn down the distractions. 

Distractions, like TV, shopping and drinking, serve only to keep you stuck. Turn them down in your life and allow possibility in. This will be hard at first - it’s easy to use these things to stop you facing things you don’t want to, or having to answer difficult questions - but consciously opting for stillness over diversions, or emptiness over a life chock full of ‘busy’ is choosing to open a dialogue with yourself and your path.

6. Pay attention to what keeps coming back.

The things that are always true for you or won’t go away are really important in discovering your calling. Are you always making up amazing stories to entertain the children in your life? Every time you feel at a loss do you find yourself in the kitchen, creating? Keep thinking about that niggle of an idea about moving to the Mediterranean? These recurrent things are giving you clues as to what will really satisfy you, pay attention to them.

7. If you’ve got a hunch, give it a go, try it on for size.

Finding our true path in life isn’t passive. It won’t appear in a puff of smoke. It’s only through trying out an activity that you’ll know whether it’s the thing for you.

8. Find a way to connect with something outside yourself daily. 

Get out in nature. Practise a simple meditation. Find a community of like-minds and share. Take up yoga.

9. Shake up your routine. 

Getting out of your routine, changing your environment, and carving some time for yourself can work wonders. Shifts in perspective, connections and realisations are more easily explored and nurtured when you give yourself the space physically and emotionally.

10. Be patient.

Don’t expect your calling to delivered via express mail. Discovering and honing your path in life will be a continual part of your journey. Be compassionate to yourself, knowing that where you are right now is the best place. Treat yourself, your practices, and the world with patience.

Alison Ottaway